A friend of mine had me over at her house photographing her twin baby boys. This must have been such an amazing journey for them, considering all the attempts and the fact that the boys were born nine weeks short and needed some help before they could be home. The inner “mommy instinct” of me got stirred quite a bit by everything I saw and heard. Eight tiny teeny arms and legs swinging in the air, hundreds of baby faces they express, no-same-type of sound they make, and the precious hint of smile at their Mommy and Daddy, what can I say… I am so genuinely happy with everything that’s going on in their life and grateful of being part of their joy. You make great Mommy and Daddy.
I hadn’t taken the “baby thoughts” seriously before, because that wasn’t even a concept in my early twenty. Have a baby? !@#$% What’s that got to do with me? Now as I am approaching thirty (I hate saying it…), some times the thought just slip through my mind and I sometimes got a few “reminders” from my Mom over the phone. Wait, my Mom is not the “got-to-have-grandchildren” type of Mom. She worries about the timing of having a baby in my plans… if I had any…
I feel like I shouldn’t be talking about babies all by myself. When I met my husband, he had clearly implanted the no-kids thought on me. My reaction was “I don’t mind.” It is still “I don’t mind”. I think if he was the other way around on this topic, I probably wouldn’t mind having one either. (Does that also mean I am not ready for baby emotionally?) My husband had thought through the whole baby thing way ahead of me. There are strong reasons why he made up his mind, not the “cons of having a baby” selfish type of reason, but very deep thinkings. It has something to do with his childhood. I still don’t get the full picture sometime, but I sence it was hard and tough. My heart breaks every time he talks about it. Let’s not get into that part… I am glad that he let me understand and that he has gone ahead of me, so I totally hand over him the steeling wheel on this matter. A friend once said to us, “don’t try to think of it too much, just do it , and you’ll get by eventually…” My husband is not this type of man, oh no, definitely not.
This is where we are now, so you know. The words finally came out.
I would love to have a baby and I think it could be one of the most wonderful things in a marriage. But I love my husband more, so I decide to just ride with him the rest of my life.