What occupies me

Women never have young minds. They are born three thousand years old.

– Shelagh Delaney

Bridge and city lights in Bokeh

I discovered something different about me lately. The other day, I was in a group gathering and someone approached me starting to ask questions in a very straight and “digging the whole thing out of you” kinda way. Part of the conversation looked like:

“Do you work?” “No, I am not working.”

“Do you have kids?” “No, I don’t have kids.”

“So you are… staying home?” “Yes… I am staying at home.”

“What occupies you?” “I take care of my husband, make dinner, clean house, and do some freelance photography stuff…”

“What do your husband do?” “He’s an engineer.”

And then I was responded with couple head nods and left alone. Have you ever had this kind of situation? I used to be frightened to be asked this way. I would try my best to describe me in a sophisticated way. I would try to hide the simplicity of my world to make it sound brilliant. But I was faking it and my words are weak.

How strangely I didn’t even utter a single shiny word! I guess I probably have left an impression in the person’s mind: “Oh, she’s just staying at home not doing anything and her husband feed her…(and things like that…)”. That’s what I was reluctant and frightened about before. But right after it happened this time, I immediately found myself relieved. I learned I don’t have to impress others and I am not afraid of putting myself out there – the shine-less part of me. I think it has something to do with believing and loving what I do. I feel I have something that grounds me, make me stay true to myself.

This has been going in my head all the time and I am really glad that it got me thinking of the question “what occupies me?” I am occupied everyday and I always feel I don’t have enough time for the things on my list. Now that I had written down the things that occupies me, I am amused how a husband, a house, a camera, and a computer can keep me busy in a way I feel content and confident.

It doesn’t matter what you do as part of a family, it is how you do and believe it. And, you are not alone.



  1. I find those situations akward and a little rude because the person asking the questions is wondering if you are worth more than 5 minutes of their time. If that is how she makes connections she should re-think how she approaches people going forward. I am glad you are a strong, independent women who knows how to occupy her time and it really is no one’s business unless you want it to be:) Happy Friday!

  2. Lovely! It is great to hear how strong you have become. Well done for you! Even though I am ‘retired’ and a full-time carer looking after a large house and garden and taking care of all the wild birds, a fire I keep in 24/7 and all the other stuff with blogging, meditating etc, etc, I still have the feeling I should be doing more! My thing is going back to sleep after a dawn peace meditation and then feeling guilty I am not up ‘early’!

    Have a great weekend!


  3. A Table in the Sun

    I only wish I had taken the same path. I was too worried about “doing my part”, and now find I’m still wrestling with this topic as retirement approaches. I’d like to retire at 55 (next year), but my pension goes up hugely if I wait until 60 or 62….and don’t even mention medical coverage…not happening until 65. I know I can live on less…..I only wish my husband would say, “Awww….go ahead and retire!”

  4. We don’t have to justify our days to anyone as no one knows what has gone before or what may come after. Just enjoy each day and be free to share your joy and the fruits of your creativity x

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