Lights in our pocket

holiday street lights

While a hard film to watch at times and a sad film beyond measure, in a strange way it is comforting to me. I couldn’t stop watching again and again the scene (I think it’s the best scene of “Rabbit Hole”) where Becca and Nat made a connection on shared loss as they put down the boy’s stuff in Becca’s basement.

Becca: “Does it ever go away? ”
Nat: “No, I don’t think it does.  Not for me, it hasn’t – has gone on for eleven years. But it changes though.”
Becca: “How?”
Nat: “I don’t know… the weight of it, I guess. At some point, it becomes bearable. It turns into something that you can crawl out from under and… carry around like a brick in your pocket. And you… you even forget it, for a while. But then you reach in for whatever reason and – there it is. Oh right, that. Which could be awful – not all the time. It’s kinda…”
Nat: “not that you’d like it exactly, but it’s what you’ve got instead of your son. So, you carry it around. And uh… it doesn’t go away. Which is…”
Becca: “Which is what?”
Nat: “Fine, actually.”

The essense of loss and guilt are univeral and we in our life deal with it.  “Rabbit Hole” is a story of surviving, stating an honest story about these sometimes awful, unspeakable moments we as man and woman find ourselves in. It mirrors me how hard it is to deal with the stress such a loss inflicts while at the same time shows how it is possible (though never easy or simplistic) to find a way, and that there is no one-way-fits all way, and that everyone has to find what works for them, and that I have to accept that others have to find their own way. Just like Becca and Howie copes with the stress, we sometime battles with our personal guilt in what happened and it puts an undeniable strain in relationship. We seek an outlet that we can’t or won’t get from one another and we feel we are not understood. However, we know for sure, in our own way, are ready to move on, but we just need something to do so. Something like the “brick in your pocket” to carry around. As time goes by, the weight of it will go away, and eventually becomes lights in your pocket, something not weight down but light up you.

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One comment

  1. Thank you for sharing this! The conversation has been nice for me today =>

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